Comments (7)

By Lady Bee, October 3, 2011 6:00 am

I broke up with a serious boyfriend last year. Our relationship was really complicated. Our breakup wasn’t.

When we ended it, we were both of the same opinion that it was over. With initial reluctance, I acknowledged to myself that I was getting less than I wanted or deserved from the relationship. With the honesty that was typical of his character, he agreed. He knew he wasn’t in a position to be what I needed. The breakup was an evolution, and the final decision was mutual and not acrimonious in the slightest.

There were some fundamental cracks that simply couldn’t be papered over. It happens. And it was an unfortunate ending to what had been a mostly good relationship.

When we had “the talk” that ended things, I just wanted to let out some of the feelings that had been brewing for a while. He, on the other hand, was concerned about hurting me and worried that he would lose me from his life altogether. The only thing he couldn’t bear to let go of was my friendship and my presence in his life. He didn’t want that bit to change. He wanted me to stay as big a part in his life as I had been.

He needn’t have bothered with his first concern. I wasn’t shocked or hurt. However, at the time, I wasn’t entirely sure about the second concern. It was naïve to think that things wouldn’t change.

Yet, I replied, “Don’t worry, we’ll still be friends. You’re not going to lose me.” And I meant what I said.

I didn’t want to cut him out of my life completely. And though I wasn’t eager to keep up the same level of closeness we had in our relationship, I was sure we were going to be involved in each other’s lives. At the time, this exact thing wasn’t in doubt in my mind.

On the other hand, I had no intention of investing as much time and effort into our friendship as I had into our relationship. First, I took a breather from him to let the break-up actually take. Then, it was simply a case of putting more effort into other friendships, work, family and every other aspect of my life. I made a conscious choice not to place him in the forefront of my life as one of my more important priorities. He wasn’t my job, one of my best friends, my mother, or my favourite hobby, and his friendship now ranked accordingly.

Continue reading 'My Ex-Boyfriend Isn’t My Friend Anymore'»

Comments (14)

By Jasmine Curry, July 4, 2011 6:00 am

I'm not throwing your love away. I'm just recycling.

A lifetime ago, I was in a long term live-in relationship with a boyfriend. It was good, but it wasn’t perfect, and I felt myself pulling away from him. To be honest, I even got a bit bitchy with him.

That Thanksgiving, I spent the holiday out of town with my mother, and being away from him felt like tasting chocolate for the first time. I realized that it was probably time to end the relationship.

But how? When? Before Christmas, so you don’t feel guilty over receiving gifts from someone you intend to break up with? After Christmas, so you don’t ruin his holidays? This was my first relationship and thus was also to be my first breakup. I had no idea how to go about things.

Luckily, my boyfriend took care of things for me. The night I got back from our weekend away, while we were eating dinner (at the… wait for it… “Comfort Diner”), he jokingly asked, “What, are you going to break up with me?”

And, being someone who can’t lie, I honestly–and probably too abruptly–said, “Yes.”

The Comfort Diner was suddenly not so comfortable. Put me off chicken pot pie for years….

The next two weeks were hell. We had all of our stuff to separate. We even had custody issues with our pet cat. (Man, I miss that cat. I almost considered staying in the relationship just to be with her.) Mostly, it was two weeks of “why?” followed by “why?” followed by “why?” again. It was like living with a three-year-old who got into mommy’s Valium.

Not my idea of fun. Well, probably not anyone’s idea of fun. Unless you have a disturbing fetish and get off on that kind of thing, in which case you should just buy a cape and change your name to “The Heartbreaker.”

Continue reading 'Sex With An Ex Sucks'»

Comments (30)

By Meg Pierce, November 29, 2010 6:00 am

Image by BoringPittsburg via Flickr

I jokingly instruct the guys I date that if I ever ask the dreaded question, “do I look fat in this dress?” they should lie, lie, lie.

“Always tell a girl she looks fantastic,” I say to them.

Yet, even the littlest white lies make me uncomfortable. To me, the problem is that a few harmless snowflakes can easily turn into a blizzard of deceit.

My friend “Sarah” met her current boyfriend “Chad” online. She dated him for a year before discovering that he was an entire decade older than what he’d indicated on his profile. Imagine how she felt to discover that, instead of celebrating his 30^th birthday with him, she’d actually bought that sweatshirt for his 40^th birthday.

For his part, Chad was actually relieved to have the truth out in the open. Tweaking every story he told had gotten confusing and stressful. The longer he stretched the truth, the harder it was to come clean, and the more he had to lose. Lying to a girl he’d just met online was a very different story than lying to his girlfriend of a year.

How could Sarah ever trust him again after not only the initial lie, but the chain of fibs that followed to cover up the initial one? Well, age was just a number, she figured after much deliberation. And a mere number was trivial compared to all they had been through and all they had shared. So, she chose to forgive him. Continue reading 'Caught In A Blizzard Of Little White Lies'»

Comments (21)

By Jennifer Hamilton, November 15, 2010 6:00 am

Image by Josep Ma. Rosell via Flickr

I had an interesting encounter with a married friend the other night. My husband, our two-year-old son and I went to dinner at “Jack,” “Jill” and “little Johnny’s” house. They’re friends of ours, and we were looking forward to catching up with them after not seeing them for several months.

I should mention now that Jack and Jill have a one-bedroom apartment, so all six of us were essentially in one room the entire night. You’ll soon find out why this is important.

We were having a great time, and the wine was definitely being enjoyed (more so by the men than by the women and kids).

Out of the blue, Jack gave me a look. You know, The Look. I turned around, hoping that Jill was behind me, and The Look was directed at her. She wasn’t, and it was not. When I turned back, Jack was still giving me The Look.

I brushed it off. Really, we’re all married here, right?

Then, he gave me a hug. Or, in the same vein, perhaps I should say, The Hug. Was that his hand sliding down my back and hovering on that no-man’s-land area below the small of my back, just above my butt?

I discreetly moved away, trying to assure myself that I was just imagining things. Perhaps Jack’s hand had slipped. But then, how many times has a guy’s hand “accidentally” slipped when touching a woman? (Don’t answer that, guys.)

I sat on the couch, next to Jill, and started playing with the kids. This had to be a safe zone. But no. Soon, Jack was also on the couch, in between Jill and me. And I found that my feet and legs were ever-so-gently being caressed. My discomfort was now official. Continue reading 'Is Honesty Really The Best Policy?'»

Comments (5)

By Jennifer Hamilton, February 24, 2010 6:50 pm

Photo by Ed Yourdon

A few months ago, I posted some easy ways to make your relationship stronger. They were simple and not too taxing, right?  But now it’s time to talk about those dreadful things like:

• Introspection
• Personal responsibility
• Seeing past your own anger

Yikes! How un-fun is that? Because, really, how can anyone be expected to do these things when our partner is clearly in the wrong? Hmm, maybe it’s better to see beyond the need to be right and look at how to work out differences?

1.  Don’t be jealous, and if you are, own it. You may not like what I’m going to say, but look at sexy people. They are all around us. On TV, on the street, in the workplace. The day after our wedding, my husband and I took a walk on Mission Beach before we met up with the rest of our friends and family for the post-wedding events. Suddenly, this model-chick with literally the most perfect butt roller-bladed past us. All butts should aspire to look this good. And I know mine does not. But he was still holding my hand, and we had a nice little banter about the perfectness of what had just skated by.

Love yourself enough to know that, despite the fact that we are surrounded by good-looking people, you still have someone who loves you for who you are. Love and trust your partner enough to know that looking is simply that. Looking. Continue reading 'Top 5 Ways To Make A Relationship Last—The Hard Ones!'»