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By Allison Schein, August 30, 2010 8:00 am

via onely.org

My friend and I were recently lamenting our lacking love lives when the conversation turned into a proverbial pissing match of self-deprecation.

“I won’t meet anyone anytime soon. I’m just not that attractive.”

“Shut up. At least you have people interested in you.”

“At least you get past the second date.”

“Whatever, it’s not like it goes much farther than that.”

“It would if you’d stop being so picky.”

Wait, what? Picky? Moi? I am many things—careful, honest, logical—but picky? Someone who refuses to try new restaurants because she only eats chicken and rice is picky. Someone who refuses to compromise on traits she deems integral to a man’s character isn’t picky—she’s reasonable.

I tried to explain this to my friend, and what started as a simple discussion quickly morphed into a Supreme Court trial. She maintained that dumping a guy for singular reasons isn’t justifiable. I argued that dumping a guy because talking to him makes me want to slit my wrists just to entertain myself is completely justifiable.

As we continued to disagree, it was apparent that the crux of our dispute lay in the old, horrible, terribly over-generalized adage, “beggars can’t be choosers.” The fundamental problem with this saying is that it implies that asking for something—in this case, a date—is begging. But what if the person in question isn’t actually desperate?

If I’m sitting home alone every night, crying about how I need a boyfriend to complete my life, whining that a penis and a pulse are all I need, then I would have to agree with my friend. Continue reading 'I'm Picky, And I'm Proud Of It'»

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By Allison Schein, August 2, 2010 8:00 am

via someecards.com

To some, online dating is a shamefully self-destructive activity: Men and women, dissatisfied with traditional methods of finding a mate, feed their dating hunger by sifting through the week-old garbage that are online dating sites, stuffing their faces with the refuse of the masses until they overindulge and sit in the shower, rocking back and forth, wailing, “why did I do this to myself? Why?! WHYYYYY?!!!”

Or that’s how it seems to me, after witnessing people’s reactions when I come out of the online dating closet.

Um, guys? What’s the big deal? Why is online dating so disgraceful? I must be missing something here because I honestly don’t see how it’s different from any other method of finding someone.

Okay, I understand why some people might think online dating is a sign of desperation, and that dating sites are a last resort for people who can’t function in the rough-and-tumble realities of in-person dating. After all, the online dater is on a mission to find someone—and is sometimes paying to do so.

But critics forget that not everyone dating online is an idealistic virgin looking to get married right this second. There are millions of people on different sites, from all socioeconomic, educational, and ethnic backgrounds, with varying levels of dating and relationship experience.

Everyone always says that thing about the fish in the sea. Well, online dating sites are that sea. Casting a line in it is as easy as checking a few boxes and clicking “search.” Bait the hook with a nice-lookin’ snapshot, and you’re good to go.

Naysayers also don’t like to admit how efficient online dating is. Continue reading 'What's Wrong With Online Dating?'»

Comments (8)

By Jennifer Hamilton, June 7, 2010 9:39 am

Image by utsavbasu1 via Flickr

We get lots of generic advice when we break up. “You’ll get through it.” “You’re better off.” “Don’t worry, you’ll find the One.” But no one ever tells us how to get through the pain, the loneliness, the emptiness. Whether the breakup is mutual, shocking, brutal, or civil, it sucks.

So what do we do? Blast “I Will Survive” until our ears bleed? When will those yucky feelings go away? I think everyone has their own progression that they go through, similar to the five stages of grief. Here’s mine:

Disbelief and Denial

After my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, I was shocked. In hindsight, it was a long time coming. During the last turbulent months of our relationship, I knew we were heading down that road. He had moved away six weeks prior—a tell-tale sign of doom. But when it actually happened… well, I was shocked. It was a Sunday morning, and he had spent the weekend with me. When he left that morning, he left for good. I was a puddle. I sat in my room for three hours, knowing that once I walked out of there, I’d have to face my roommates and tell them what happened. I wasn’t ready for it to be real.

Desperation

Six hours after the dumping, I made the tearful phone call begging Mr. Ex to take me back. Not one of my finer moments. I was a ball of desperate emotion. I needed to save us and wasn’t ready to accept all the valid reasons for the breakup. Continue reading 'The Progression Of A Breakup'»