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By Rebecca Sullins, October 11, 2010 6:00 am

"You need to grow a pair!"

I’m a bad girl.

I don’t mean that I’m promiscuous, a partier, or a bitch. I mean I’m bad at being a girl. All my life, societal norms have told me that I’m not a good female specimen. And I’m generally okay with the fact that I play pool, own a snake, am an engineer, like sports, and didn’t own a purse until I was 23.

But recently, a much more glaring phenomenon was brought to my attention.

I was at the bar, playing a pool match, and made a quick trip to the bathroom. A friend of mine walked in behind me, with all the telltale signs of a girl who’s about to have a breakdown. I decided it would probably be better for me to stay and see her through.

Like any good friend, I asked her what was going on. And the floodgate opened.

“I’m not good at anything. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

“’Splain, Lucy.”

“I just lost my eighth pool match in a row… I drink too much… My boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me….” I’ll spare you the rest.

I sat her on the sink, looked into her eyes, mustered as much compassion as I could, and I told her to get the hell over it. If she didn’t like her boyfriend taking her for granted, why was she still with him? If she was losing at pool, she should either quit or practice more. If she didn’t like the hangovers, she should put down the pint. I told her that there was absolutely nothing in her life that warranted the kind of self-pity normally reserved for terminally ill patients. And even then, I’ve known terminally ill patients who had a less dismal outlook on life than she did at that moment. Continue reading 'True Friends Stab You In The Front'»

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By Julie Hartley, July 8, 2010 8:00 am

Photo by Kristin McKee via Flickr

When my friend is going through a breakup, it becomes my personal mission to mend her figurative heart. The quantity of chocolate ice cream at the supermarket diminishes noticeably. The local Blockbuster’s angry-girl-loses-guy-but-then-meets-even-cuter-one genre experiences a huge spike in rentals. I have all the right tools to combat my friend’s newly acquired depression….

Except the verbal skills.

Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouths. My spoon is more of a copper alloy (you know, the kind that turns your skin green after you’ve worn it for too long).

A few years ago, after her relationship had come to a fiery end, my bosom buddy and I sat on her couch while she poured out her heart. I tried to keep my terror from showing on my face. What was I supposed to do? What could I say?

She paused and looked at me with those pleading, tear-filled eyes. I had to come up with something both insightful and comforting. And quickly. Hurry, hurry! What always made me feel better?

“Uh, I want ice cream.”

We asked our readers what’s the worst thing a friend can say to help someone get over a breakup. I’m ashamed to realize I’ve used almost all the clichés out there. Miss Bonnified doesn’t want to hear,  “I always hated him,” while Anna cringes at, “he wasn’t that great, anyway.” I used both of these lines on my friend that day.

Next, I tried to be gentle, telling her that “it wasn’t meant to be.” But those are words that Lauren H never likes to hear. I knew for a fact that she was “better off without him,” but that’s something reader Resullins despises.

FatalFlyingGuillotine sums up the general sentiment on clichés: Continue reading 'Breaking Up Is Hard… For Your Friends, Too!'»

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By Jasmine Curry, December 23, 2009 8:00 am

What Kalena teaches us

The one thing about having kids is, it sure does put your life into perspective. Just when things are getting us down, she puts a little spark in our day. Here’s what I’ve learned this week:

On Exercise: Who needs a gym when you’ve got a mattress? Jumping up and down on the bed is sure to burn calories. Just don’t fall off the bed- that’s sure to cause five minutes of tears.

On Eating: Eating food is more fun if you make as big of a mess as possible. Swing your spoon around, eat with your hands, and hold the plate up to your face to lick all the remains off. This is especially fun if you have someone around to clean up the whole mess.

On Keeping It Clean: Bath time is the most fun time of all. Take a few toys into the bath with you and play. If you sit there long enough, all the grime just falls off. Much more enjoyable than the usual lather, rinse and repeat.

On Getting What You Want: It’s amazing how far a simple “please oh please” will get you. No one wants to say “no” to you when you are so damn precious. Just remember to say “thank you much” once you’ve gotten what you want. Whining, however, will get you nowhere.

On Being Broke: Continue reading 'Things My Two-Year-Old Has Taught Me'»

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By Dennis Hong, July 22, 2009 2:45 pm

Image by Clipart.com

Most people don’t know this about me, but I was engaged once. We’d been together for several years, and life was wonderful. I found a lovely engagement ring, we met each other’s families, they approved (thankfully), we planned our wedding together, and we even found a cute house to live in.

Then, just a few months before our wedding, everything fell apart. In the middle of dinner one night, while we were at a fancy restaurant, she confessed that she’d been secretly corresponding with some guy who lived in another state. She hadn’t even met this guy, but she wanted to be with him. She handed me her engagement ring, told me that she didn’t deserve me, stood up, and walked out of my life.

I sat there, stunned. What was I supposed to do? Quietly get up and walk out of the restaurant? Ask the waiter for a round of shots? Laugh it off and keep eating? I was devastated. Worse yet, not one person in the world seemed to care…. Continue reading 'What About Walt?'»

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By Dennis Hong, February 8, 2009 1:43 am

Image by Valentin.Ottone via Flickr

In the movie 3:10 to Yuma, with Christian Bale and Russell Crowe, Bale’s character loses his foot while fighting in the Civil War. As compensation, the government gives him a large sum of money, with which Bale attempts to forge a new life. At the end of the movie, though, Bale realizes that the government didn’t give him the money so he could walk away. They gave him the money so they could walk away. The government never cared about helping him. They just wanted to erase any obligation they might have had to help him.

It’s a cynical perspective. And sadly, it seems to hold some universal truth, even within the world of dating and relationships. Here’s a true story….

Steven met Joanne through a mutual friend and was immediately intrigued by her. At first, Joanne wasn’t sure if she was interested, but she decided to give him a chance. As they spent more and more time together, she realized that she was starting to develop strong feelings for him. Unfortunately, the opposite was true for Steven. He found that his intrigue was slowly fading into disinterest. Ultimately, Steven called off the relationship, badly hurting Joanne’s feelings in the process. In an effort to be the nice guy, Steven would occasionally call Joanne to “check up on her” and to see how she was doing. He wanted to show her that he still cared, and he truly believed that, as a compassionate person, he was doing the right thing.

Now, is Steven a great guy or what? Talk about being the perfect model of a compassionate citizen.

Or is he? Continue reading 'Walk Away'»