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By Meg Pierce, November 29, 2010 6:00 am

Image by BoringPittsburg via Flickr

I jokingly instruct the guys I date that if I ever ask the dreaded question, “do I look fat in this dress?” they should lie, lie, lie.

“Always tell a girl she looks fantastic,” I say to them.

Yet, even the littlest white lies make me uncomfortable. To me, the problem is that a few harmless snowflakes can easily turn into a blizzard of deceit.

My friend “Sarah” met her current boyfriend “Chad” online. She dated him for a year before discovering that he was an entire decade older than what he’d indicated on his profile. Imagine how she felt to discover that, instead of celebrating his 30^th birthday with him, she’d actually bought that sweatshirt for his 40^th birthday.

For his part, Chad was actually relieved to have the truth out in the open. Tweaking every story he told had gotten confusing and stressful. The longer he stretched the truth, the harder it was to come clean, and the more he had to lose. Lying to a girl he’d just met online was a very different story than lying to his girlfriend of a year.

How could Sarah ever trust him again after not only the initial lie, but the chain of fibs that followed to cover up the initial one? Well, age was just a number, she figured after much deliberation. And a mere number was trivial compared to all they had been through and all they had shared. So, she chose to forgive him. Continue reading 'Caught In A Blizzard Of Little White Lies'»

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By Meg Pierce, August 23, 2010 6:30 am

Photo by nattu via flickr

All my life, I’ve been looking for that guy—the one I can tell anything to, the one who totally gets me. The guy who is handsome and charming, with a gorgeous smile. We can talk all night, but we don’t always stay up just talking. I can curl up in his arms, feeling loved and contented, as my mind slips into pleasant dreams.

So, is it any wonder that when I find that guy, I feel myself falling rapidly, intoxicatingly in love? The mystery for me, though, is why isn’t he falling in love with me? In fact, not only is he not falling in love, he isn’t even considering a romantic relationship with me. Seriously, how am I still in the friend zone?

This lesson hasn’t been easy for me to learn. In fact, it’s taken me several relationships to realize where I have gone wrong. So, why do I make the same mistake and fall for the friend? And how do I keep from repeating this folly over and over again?

I think one problem is that I don’t have that “list.” You know, the sometimes-hypothetical, sometimes-literal inventory of items people keep for what they’re looking for in a mate? I’ve never made one. I have a general idea of what I want, but these vague guidelines tend to be mutable. Rather than the guy fitting the ideal of what I want in a man, what I want mutates into the shape of the person I care about.

Perhaps if I sat down and considered what traits should comprise my soul mate, I might have a better chance of knowing when the person I’m with fits me, instead of me trying to fit the person I’m with.

Meanwhile, these guys I’m falling for do have a list, and a very specific one. And, while I listen to their stories about their relationships, I sometimes hear only what I want to hear. If I don’t measure up exactly to their description of the perfect woman, I figure we can work out the details later. Continue reading 'He Loves Me, He’s Just Not In Love With Me'»

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By Meg Pierce, July 19, 2010 8:00 am

Photo by Wettly via Flickr

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You’re at a party and find yourself talking to a friend’s friend. He seems really cool and makes you laugh, but honestly, you don’t find him all that attractive. Later, he asks if you want to hang out sometime. You agree… hesitantly. Then you make an excuse to leave before he can ask for your number.

Been there, done that? Then, like me, you’ve suffered from a type of romantic tunnel vision, where you lose all interest in hanging out with someone you don’t immediately see as romantic potential.

The problem with this behavior is that we need friends of the opposite sex. They help us see life from another perspective. That guy asking to hang out may be looking for something more, but he could just as well end up becoming a friend.

I go to my guy friends for their unbiased (or sometimes totally biased) opinions on everything from dating to whether I’m too fat to wear a bikini. Unlike the girls who will undoubtedly answer, “no you look great, really,” the guys will give me their honest opinions and often offer a fresh point of view.

It’s hard to explain the differences between relationships with your girl friends and relationships with your guy friends without getting into stereotypes. But it is a unique relationship I’ve learned to value as I’ve gotten older.

The most obvious example? When I need to know all the stats on the new Padres’ pitcher or an update of the Charger’s season, I get my guy friends to give me the Cliff notes version.

But more than just for sports, guy friends can be like cultural translators. Thanks to my brother’s friends for example, I can totally speak “geek.” Continue reading 'In Defense Of The Friend Zone'»

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By Meg Pierce, June 28, 2010 8:00 am

Photo by Marley Musella

One of my pet peeves is the single person who hates being partnerless. Hollywood loves to play up the stereotype of the woman who is desperate for anyone to love her. Sadly, a lot of my friends fit right into this cliché. They hate going to special occasions without a date on their arm. Or they complain about being the only unattached person on the planet, which is how life appears from their perspective.

So, I’d like to offer a different perspective. While I look forward to meaningful relationships in my future, I enjoy dating. Yes, someday I hope to find “the one.” But, in the meantime, I relish the chance to get wild on the dance floor and represent “all the single ladies.”

Here are a few reasons I love being single:

1. Social Currency

How often does anyone ask if there are going to be any nice married couples at the party? I’ve yet to hear it. Instead, my very presence as one of the cute single women (or at least one with a great personality, hopefully) increases the potential fun of any social gathering. Parties have a different energy when people have the possibility of meeting the man or women of their dreams… or at least finding someone cute to talk to or make out with later on. Simply being available increases our value as social currency.

2. Ogling Season

The entire season of summer seems designed with the single person in mind. Surfers out of their wetsuits. Guys jogging without their shirts, and girls in bikinis. Cute neighbors by the pool. Basically, it’s ogling season, and when we’re single, we can look and appreciate without anyone getting jealous. Continue reading 'Seven Reasons I Love Being Single'»

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By Meg Pierce, May 12, 2010 1:30 pm

Photo by HerLanieShip via Flickr

My friend has embarked on the noble journey of making himself into the “Perfect 10.” He figures that if he wants to date a woman he considers the ultimate match, he himself needs to be a perfect 10.

Everyone has their own idea of who their optimal mate is. My friend wants someone who is confident, sexual, financially-stable and many other remarkable and understandably desirable qualities. So, he is working on improving his own shortcomings in these areas.

I love the idea of self-improvement and becoming the best person you can be. There’s nothing like the self-confidence having a great job, a nice car, a fantastic body, stable finances and interesting hobbies gives you.

It’s a wonderful idea, reaching your full potential as a human being and meeting someone who meets all your requirements, who is simply right for you. But what happens when your exemplary partner loses his job or she gains 20 pounds? Continue reading 'Pursuing Your Perfect 10'»

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By Meg Pierce, January 15, 2010 8:00 am

Image by PhotograTree via flickr

The scene is familiar: I’m at a party chatting with a group of friends. Gradually, we draw in the nearby group of guys, and before long, I’m amiably discussing quantum physics or artificial intelligence or some other topic I’m completely unqualified to have any opinion on (but do, anyways).

Then, the conversation turns personal: what do you do, where do you live, do you have roommates? I suddenly feel like a sea anemone with bright flowery tentacles, trying to ensnare the unsuspecting innocent guppy into my trap.

“Actually,” I reply, “I’m a full-time single mom.” Often the expression on the guy’s face reminds me of a black and white mushroom cloud rising up after the bomb has been dropped.

When the smoke clears, drinks need to be refilled, a buddy needs to be found, and my friends and I start swapping stories about how absolutely adorable my three-year-old is. Disaster averted.

Every once in awhile, though, some poor fool is too distracted by the décolleté and short length of my dress to run screaming in the opposite direction. He gets my phone number, and inevitably, the question becomes, “so how does this work, dating a single mom?” Continue reading 'Surprise! She Has A Kid. Now What?'»

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By Meg Pierce, January 8, 2010 8:00 am

Image by pareerica via flickr

For me, they usually come quietly, stealthily sneaking upon me when my thoughts are elsewhere.

The close proximity, the smiles, the steady eye contact, the pressing of knees in the bar, or a careless hand resting just a moment on my feet snuggled under a blanket. Jokes, dimples, and shared confidences. Whatever the cause, butterflies flutter in my stomach, and I’m thinking about a guy in a way I never have before.

What are these butterflies? Attraction, a crush, love?

Zack, for instance, made my stomach twist, flip, and want to shout for joy the moment we met. Unfortunately, he left on a ship, for five months, a few weeks later. Think it’s grueling waiting a week for the person you like to call you? Waiting five months to see what those feelings really were was torture.

These insects of attraction flit about, blind to what is healthy and careless of the past or future with an individual. Continue reading 'Butterflies'»

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By Meg Pierce, December 21, 2009 8:00 am

Art by mollycakes via flickr

Some women go through relationships like shoes; I go through men like jobs. I’ve had 29 jobs since I started working when I was 16. I’m not even going to try counting the guys I’ve had crushes on, dated, or hooked up with. My longest job lasted a year and a half, my longest relationship approximately four months.

These days it seems whenever I get together with my friends, they need a review: “Where are you working now? Which guy is this you’re dating?”

Breaking up with the last guy who found such shortcomings in my job insecurity has induced me to muse upon the connections between my work and my love life.

Every new job and every new relationship forces introspection. When people ask me what I do, I tell them the exact description of the jobs I’m currently working. Lately, those jobs have included special education aide, tutor, English as a Foreign Language teacher and grant writing consultant. So, I was struck when my new boss-to-be looked at my resume and observed that I’d been teaching six years. It was longer than I thought.

Maybe this is why I dislike statistics. I know some people find comfort in the rules of math, the seeming hard facts that digits provide, but like so many aspects of life I find this data a matter of perspective. Continue reading 'Numbers Don’t Count For Everything'»

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By Meg Pierce, December 13, 2009 8:00 am

Photo by Brett Arthur via Flickr

Heads turned when this very Hot Guy walked into the Halloween party I attended this year. Dimples to the heavens, sparkling, mischievous eyes, and muscles a girl just can’t help but hang onto. Unfortunately, the illusion was quickly shattered by how obviously he wanted to get laid.

The first girl he struck up a conversation with hastily found a way out, groaning to us about how unattractive it is when a guy brings up sex within minutes of meeting. The rest of us concurred and didn’t bother conversing with him most of the night, though Hot Guy seemed to pervade the party.

Meanwhile two girls were in a flirting battle over the same “Nice” Guy, (who claimed to be single, but days later revealed that was just a part of his Halloween costume too), because he could actually hold his end of a conversation. Continue reading 'Hot Guy And Nice Guy Walk Into A Party'»

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By Meg Pierce, December 4, 2009 2:20 pm

Photo by John Fraissinet via Flickr

When I broke up with the last guy I was dating, I tried to be polite about it. I told him he was nice, cute and fantastic—and he replied with a low blow about my “lack of stability.” Eww. He hurt my feelings, especially since I had tried to be amiable. I reacted by doing what I swore I would never do. I told him all the awful things I’d thought about him over the last month since it first occurred to me that maybe I didn’t want to date a guy who wore white shoes hiking and complained about them getting dirty.

I’m not usually such a bitch, but early on in our discussions, he’d said he didn’t see any point in staying in contact with the girls he dated once he’d broken up with them. So I felt I didn’t have anything to lose. If I’d thought we could be friends, I would have acted differently. Continue reading 'The Ex Factor'»