When A Man Has What It Takes

By , May 7, 2012 6:00 am

The Truth

One of the reasons I married my ex-husband is because I saw how he took care of his mother when she was sick. He not only quit his first major job out of college to move to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota with her for three months to take care of her (he was an only child, and she was a single mom), but he visited her every single day in the hospital for nearly a year until the day she died.

That’s when I decided he was a good man and had what it took to be a good husband. It was exactly what I would have done for one of my parents had they fallen ill. And it’s exactly what I did for my father 11 years later, when he was diagnosed suddenly with stage-four Pancreatic cancer. When I sat with my father for the six months of his courageous battle, I realized it’s not what you had, but who you had by your side.

Colby and I had been broken up for nearly two years when my father died. Colby stayed by my side every step of the way. I knew that he loved me. Real, real, deep love. The kind that Nicholas Sparks books are made of.

Colby rode in the car with me to my father’s grave after his funeral. He didn’t say a word, but I knew he was there for me. I felt totally comfortable falling apart, as I knew he would be there to catch me.

There is a Jewish tradition where each person has the opportunity to shovel dirt onto the grave after the service is finished. Helping fill the grave means you have left nothing undone, and it is the ultimate final respect for the deceased.

After everyone had their turn, I looked over at the men who worked in the cemetery, who would have the job of filling the grave when we left.

Then I looked at Colby.

“I want you to do it.” I said, through my tears.

“Do what?”

Continue reading 'When A Man Has What It Takes'»

My Hot Date Didn’t Look So Good Upon Further Inspection

By , May 9, 2011 6:00 am

Image by Mike "Dakinewavamon" Kline via Flickr

Once upon a time, I walked into a bar on the Upper West Side to meet one of my J-day-tay dates (or what you might know as JDate). I was looking forward to meeting this very tall, very handsome stranger. He was from Kentucky, and Jewish. Over the phone, he had a southern twang of some kind. Or so I thought. More on that twang later.

As I made my way through the bar, I saw him sitting at a table that was placed awkwardly close to another table, with two women sitting at it.

These two girls are going to love listening to our first date unfold, I thought as I approached.

But, he was handsome. Five-star handsome. He looked just like his pictures, which is not always common. We were off to a good start.

“Hi! Andy? Darcy.” I extended my hand.

“Well hello Darcy!,” he said as he pulled me in for a hug.

Ho. Ly.

He was the gayest man I’ve ever met.

Well, maybe not as gay as the date who took me to the Indigo Girls concert and held my hand and wanted to skip.

I turned green. That twang wasn’t just southern, it was downright RuPaul.

I glanced at the two girls at the next table, and they glanced back at me. There was something in their look, an awkward disbelief, that I knew I was not alone in thinking this.

I dreaded sitting down and cursed myself for having to play along with his charade. As I always say, I love a gay man. But, if you want to play for my team, you have to wear my uniform. And my uniform doesn’t involve a beard of any kind. Continue reading 'My Hot Date Didn’t Look So Good Upon Further Inspection'»

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