http://www.musingsonlifeandlove.com/2009/12/04/the-ex-factor/ We're not at war. Love isn't a battlefield. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:32:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://www.musingsonlifeandlove.com/2009/12/04/the-ex-factor/#comment-2091 Andrei B. Mon, 14 Feb 2011 17:07:57 +0000 http://musingsonlifeandlove.com/?p=660#comment-2091 Good article, it touches a few sensitive points for me. I've always wondered how people can be in a relationship and claim to love each other, and after it's over they can be downright cold or even hateful towards their former partner. I believe that they didn't truly love (or care about) each other in the first place. Granted, sometimes a relationship ends because of a deep hurt (like cheating) and of course that's bound to leave some resentment in it's wake (to put it gently), but many other times it just ends: the infatuation part is over, they discover they are not really compatible and so on. My point is, people who truly love each other, OR who at least had a meaningful relationship, don't stop CARING about their (former) partner after the relation is over! If that happened, then that relation was a fake, something they did not because they wanted to be with the other person because it made them happy, but because they wanted a constant, easily available sex partner, or because they were feeling lonely, or because all their friend were in relations and they felt left out, or because "it's the normal thing to do" etc. etc. etc. I mean, come on, if you are in a relationship that's not just about sex, then automatically you should be friends with your partner, and enjoy being friends with them even after the romance it's over, right? Also, very good point with the "boundaries" part - after having a romantic relation with someone, you can't just go to being regular friends with them, you have to take steps to ensure that your old relation doesn't hurt your new friendship or haunt your future romantic relationships. Good article, it touches a few sensitive points for me. I’ve always wondered how people can be in a relationship and claim to love each other, and after it’s over they can be downright cold or even hateful towards their former partner. I believe that they didn’t truly love (or care about) each other in the first place. Granted, sometimes a relationship ends because of a deep hurt (like cheating) and of course that’s bound to leave some resentment in it’s wake (to put it gently), but many other times it just ends: the infatuation part is over, they discover they are not really compatible and so on.
My point is, people who truly love each other, OR who at least had a meaningful relationship, don’t stop CARING about their (former) partner after the relation is over! If that happened, then that relation was a fake, something they did not because they wanted to be with the other person because it made them happy, but because they wanted a constant, easily available sex partner, or because they were feeling lonely, or because all their friend were in relations and they felt left out, or because “it’s the normal thing to do” etc. etc. etc.
I mean, come on, if you are in a relationship that’s not just about sex, then automatically you should be friends with your partner, and enjoy being friends with them even after the romance it’s over, right?
Also, very good point with the “boundaries” part – after having a romantic relation with someone, you can’t just go to being regular friends with them, you have to take steps to ensure that your old relation doesn’t hurt your new friendship or haunt your future romantic relationships.

]]> http://www.musingsonlifeandlove.com/2009/12/04/the-ex-factor/#comment-407 Meg Pierce Sat, 31 Jul 2010 09:35:29 +0000 http://musingsonlifeandlove.com/?p=660#comment-407 So, is it just me or does anyone else get a strange sense of victory when 8 months after an unfriendly break up with someone they drunk text you about how much they miss certain awesome aspects of the relationship. Especially when you don't recognize the number and have to ask, "Who is this?" So, is it just me or does anyone else get a strange sense of victory when 8 months after an unfriendly break up with someone they drunk text you about how much they miss certain awesome aspects of the relationship. Especially when you don’t recognize the number and have to ask, “Who is this?”

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